One Fine Morning

or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Hate My Treasonous Compatriots

I think a lot about how Lisa Vanderpump pronounced Yolanda Foster’s name in Season 6 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. At the time, Pump, as she was known, was one of the most adored Housewives on all of Bravo. Her brand was simple, yet effective: she was English. Fanning pink abaca hats, dry wit, miniature horses with glittered hooves on a rolling green lawn, you get the picture. And the people ate it up. But that fateful moment in Season 6, something shifted. Because as Lisa pursed her glossy lips, what came out was a pronunciation of ‘Yolanda’ so aggressively British, Lisa said Jolander. 

Lisa’s termination in Season 9 was expected. The audience clamored, it’d grown tired of her antics, of her constant attempts to manipulate her castmates into doing her bidding and furthering her narratives, of her planting stories in the tabloids when all else failed. But really, it was about something deeper. Though few know it as I do, it was about ‘Jolander’. It was about a woman who, while squeezing herself into a brand, had lost track of what was real.